"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
