So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
