I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
