Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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