Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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