But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
there is puke in my bra ... again
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
