Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
