Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
