she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
either way he was missing a nipple.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We are all done wearing pants today
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All the doctor said was why
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
