yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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