You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
