it was like his penis was on wheels.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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