For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
