I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
