Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
