shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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