Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
