I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Even the bartender felt bad for me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
