He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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