My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize