if i died would you start the facebook group?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
