My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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