is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
