Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
