toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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