Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
There's even glitter on my cock...
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