why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
