I'm gonna have a badass scar
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
