Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
