You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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