The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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