Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
