I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
