ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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