he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
