We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
