Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
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I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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