Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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