i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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