lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
