i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
