Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
