I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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