I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
