Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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