I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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