I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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