I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
