if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
