dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
