Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
being pregnant is like rehab
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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