yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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