oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
