I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize