I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
