I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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