I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
