yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
