He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
