we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
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Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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