I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
