i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
