Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
