told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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