if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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