Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize