I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
