I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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