she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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